A New Song to Sing

Withered trees in the cruel taunts of mind Sadness is exhaled like air “Set-off easy”   But you would too if you were me The Christmas lights look grey Dawn turns to day I turn to hear you say [silence] [silence] [silence] It seems it’s just me among the trees Sometimes I hate Christmas And as a Christian I’m not supposed to do that I want to backspace and erase But my heart leaps in pain seeing written words ring out with truth Hate is probably a strong word, perhaps let’s go with bitter Bitter is probably a strong word, perhaps let’s go with ache I remember waking up on Christmas morning and running to the gifts It was probably 6am and the house was dark My mother heard of course She satisfied my excitement and we began opening gifts I remember waking up excited I remember always decorating the tree together Stringing up the lights Placing the ornaments we collected over the years My father was there of course He sat s...

Scribble, scratch (chicken variety) Onto paper Thoughts Both happy and sad (orangy like the farmer's windy fields) churning, yearning For tomorrow's gaze that would provide (grace upon grace) better and better days. I wouldn't call it 'clinical' But depressed in body, mind & emotion contests (oh i contest) That some days tomorrow's gaze leaves me undone.

Arms crossed on the couch I sat, uttering; “I’ll never have him walk me down the aisle” As I held a cold, hard hand looking upon his peace-filled coffin face I remembered our memories together Now it’s time to reconcile, but there is no proper way to release What do I do in these days? Why, when people say that ‘planning a wedding is fun’ does it not feel ‘fun’? Why, in every way, every year, every damn holiday does my heart ache? People make it sound and look so easy, but oh world, oh sky, oh God, grief is not easy . In most of the recent days, I find myself living from extreme to extreme. Brokenness to whole and seeming-bliss But oh world, oh sky, oh God; how do I hold these two without internally shattering. Perhaps the jokes on me and i already have. Friends, family, acquaintances, loved-ones, far-off strangers, I address you and petition that this is not an attention grabbing plea Not for you, not for me. But as I hold my head in my hands I ask, ‘ what th...

Weakness resounds as the waterfalls of memories roar down         In a bleak, but green, clearing Those moments pang         Pain it rang         We all sang;                 "Great is thy faithfulness" The pastor's voice (like church bells) toll;         "He is with you, don't you know" Conceding         I'm pleading                 For you Lord (to free me) Dug out like war-torn trenches These weathered lands of minds shall never once         groom and grovel in death's emptiest attempts                 to breed contempt But to the sky my r...